couches + legacy
on remembering to trust the universe
right now i’m sitting in the sun porch staring at all of my undone projects that plague me.
but the window is open and the sun is shining and there’s a light breeze drifting in and ruffling my hair.
I’m staring at my empty living room where my dream couch was supposed to be delivered to last Tuesday. (it has yet to fit but we hope the third try is the charm?)
the thing is, this couch and the dream of it has meant so much more to me than just a place to sit in my current home.
i chose something that could grow with me and my family. i picked something that would look beautiful and elegant even though we have three cats. i saw all the naps and the movie nights and the snuggles where everyone can be stretched out and comfortable. i pictured it ending up in the family room wherever we’re raising kids and slumber parties and game nights and a structure to build a fort around.
it’s hard to have this tangible piece of a life i’ve dreamed of for so long within reach and blocked by a literal wall, a corner that’s just slightly too tight..
so I’m leaning into trust right now. trust at how i was able to regulate myself after a good release yesterday (something that wouldn’t have happened a few years ago). trust at the dreams the universe put on my heart. trust in the bold moves i made when i felt the nudge. trust in the fact that everything is always working out for me.
and as i sit here in the sunporch on my old couch in it’s new home, watching the shadows of the trees swaying on the wall, i just know that everything is unfolding as it should. and it’s a good reminder that this doesn’t always look how we expected it to before. but that’s okay. everything is going to be okay.
honestly aside from the couch debacle.. it’s been a delightful few weeks since i’ve last written!
we went on a trip to Sun City and had a blast. we got to spend time with collin’s grandma, we met up with some old friends, and we ate copious amounts of delicious food.
work on the bookshelf continues! I have gotten all of the books i own (including those lent out) catalogued in an excel spreadsheet. next step is deciding what else goes into storage and then finally shelving everything for display (after a deep scrub on all the shelves).
collin and i have decided (or the fates have i suppose) on a destination for our fall trip - we’re road tripping to louisville! with stops in Madison/Indianapolis/Chicago along the way. i’ve flown so much this year already that I’m really looking forward to a trip sans TSA. since we’re heading south I’m hoping we’ll catch some great leaf color along the way.
finally we’ve made two trips to the mn state fair already, with a close out trip planned on labor day.
as i walked through the fine arts building, i started thinking about legacy and what we leave behind as artists (i can’t be the only one who gets existential around displayed art right?)
i need my art to stop living in the drafts, 75% done, “not ready for human consumption”. i thought joining writing classes in the last two years would make me a better and braver writer but instead i let it shrink me. i went from daily posts on instagram sharing my heart, to just 3 feed posts this year. being in communities of brilliant gorgeous writers who’s work i admire gave way to so much comparison.
but it’s time to stop keeping the work i’m doing a secret and start sharing again. even if i don’t know what this is. even if i’m not sure it’s very interesting or good or necessary. even if i’m not sure that anyone will care about the trials and tribulations of an adhd girly taking literal months to organize one bookshelf (riveting content, i know)
for now it’s just another one of those things that will remain unfinished.
other things that are in process at the moment
-the couch is on its way and the right people are going to find the right way to fit it into our home
-it’s playoff season at work, the end of summer is near
-i’m cooking up something new, more on that to come
i love you endlessly for being here and reading my words.
love, liv
I’m excited to have found your substack! I’m in the midst of creating one too…it’s a slow process with little babe wanting to be in my arms and the need for two hands on the computer temporarily stalled.